Dear fine ladies of Hollywood, don't mistake me for a prude. I'm a
strong believer that if you've got it, flaunt it. Even if you don't have
it, wear it proud. Wear whatever you like, go as short or as tight as
you can, hell, burn your bras in a 1960s tribute and go topless for all I
care.
But the problem -- and what to me makes it big enough that it's worth addressing -- is that you're now getting creative with what we call "sideboob." You've got underboob and boob window
now, all pseudo-clever ways of showing cleavage. Because plain old
cleavage looks cheap, Playboy-ish, and un-ladylike, right? SO DOES YOUR
SIDEBOOB.
Nothing says "Look at me, please!" quite like a peek-a-boob. You can
obviously afford a well-fitting brassiere, double-sided tape, or a
stylist with a modicum of common sense. Is this really where you want to
save your bucks?
I can see how you might (mistakenly) perceive the sideboob as
appealing. There's something naughty about it, right? It symbolizes
womanhood? Well, it doesn't. For all intents and purposes, all your lady
parts were created equal. Just like you avoid the all-too-terrible
crotch shot, for the love of God, cover up your boobs. There are plenty
of sites that are waiting for you to slip up, and they're the kind you
try your hardest not to end up on.
Not following? Let's look at some examples --
Miley Cyrus looking less than classy:
Miley Cyrus looking chic:
Jessica Biel looking like she's almost there, but isn't:
Jessica Biel, breathtaking:
Selena Gomez looking like she's trying too hard:
Selena Gomez looking polished and grown up:
Let's try this again, shall we?
The usually stylish Diane Kruger missing the point (but making mine):
Diane Kruger looking like a blueprint of our dreams:
Mischa Barton, not getting it:
Mischa Barton looking fresh and awesome:
Katy Perry giving us way more than we asked for:
Katy Perry looking like a regal beauty:
I beg of you, lady stars, for fear you'll end up like JWoww.
Stop with the tasteless nonsense, pull yourself together, have a little
class. Let your confidence shine through, not your lady lumps. Give us
something else to talk about.
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